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Song of the day
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One Winged Angel
AC Remix

Noli manere, manare in memoria
Noli manere, manare in memoria

Sephiroth, Sephiroth

Saevam iram, iram et dolorem
Saevam iram, iram et dolorem

Sephiroth, Sephiroth

Ferum terribile, ferum fatum


Noli manare, manere in memoria
Noli manare, manere in memoria

Sephiroth, Sephiroth

Veni, mi fili. Veni, mi fili
Hic veni, da mihi mortem iterum
Veni, mi fili. Veni, mi fili
Hic veni, da mihi...

Noli manere in memoria
Saevam iram et dolorem
Ferum terribile fatum
Ille iterum veniet

Mi fili, veni, veni, veni, mi fili
Mi fili, veni, veni, veni, mi fili
Mi fili, veni, veni, veni, mi fili
Mi fili, veni, veni, veni, mi fili

Mi fili, veni, veni, veni, mi fili
(Qui mortem invitavis)
Mi fili, veni, veni, veni, mi fili
(Poena funesta natus)
Mi fili, veni, veni, veni, mi fili
(Noli nomen vocare)
Mi fili, veni, veni, veni, mi fili
(Ille iterum veniet)



My son, come come, come, my son
(You who invites death)
My son, come come, come, my son
(Fatal punishment born)
My son, come come, come, my son
(Do not call the name)
My son, come come, come, my son
(That man will come again)

Sephiroth, Sephiroth

Sephiroth
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Not really a Journal this time, just wanted to get this out there for my D.A. Friends to see have a good day

[link]myj_T2uHIg

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song of the day
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The Kill
by 30 Seconds To Mars


What if I wanted to break
Laugh it all off in your face
What would you do?
What if I fell to the floor
Couldn't take all this anymore
What would you do, do, do?

Kill
Break me down
Bury me, bury me
I am finished with you

What if I wanted to fight
Beg for the rest of my life
What would you do?
You say you wanted more
What are you waiting for
I'm not running from you

Come
Break me down
Bury me, bury me
I am finished with you
Look in my eyes
You're killing me, killing me
All I wanted was you

I tried to be someone else
But nothing seemed to change
I know now, this is who I really am inside
Falling from myself
Falling for a chance
I know now, this is who I really am

Come
Break me down
Bury me, bury me
I am finished with you, you, you
Look in my eyes
You're killing me, killing me
All I wanted was you
Come, break me down
Break me down
Break me down

What if I wanted to break...?
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How goes it? Today has been one of those rollarcoaster days. Might have started last night a lil actually... SO lets dive into it shall we?



Kathreen FINALLY text me. She is a REAL good friend of mine from the days of Upoc. Nothing romantic tween her and I obviously, but I care about her a lot. Well a few weeks ago she just out of no where deleted her myspace without saying a word, doesn't appear on AIM, doesn't reply to texts, and her phone went STR8 to voice mail... needless to say I became a little concerned about my dear friend. I can be a worry wart sometimes, but it just wasn't like her at all to behave like that. ANYWAYS, she txt me and let me know she's alright. So that was a plus last night.



I got to work this morning and found out I had to do the "painting" of the heat sync gunk and the ceramic tiles... I HATE that position worse than ANYTHING else up in this place. I am not the artistic type and it gets everywhere and everyone complains cuz they have pink gunk on their shirts... so I'm doing that then the power goes out at work... lmfao so we couldnt work right? Nope... we had to keep going. This was a double edged sword honestly. It was really relaxing to not have so much light glaring into my eyes lol but it was hard to see where I was friggin painting... so finally break comes around and we get our check stubs.... and the most fabulous thing ever has happened.

So I am supposed to work at the club tonight, but before I do I'm gonna have to have a talk with my friend. This is not volenteer work, this isn't charitable work. I expect to get paid. And I expect to get paid what its worth. $20 at least. i didnt get paid last time at all! yep you heard me right. i told my grandma i didnt know if i was gonna work there tonight or not and she got all indigite on me like "at this point you should take any money you can get donnie." um hey guess what... IM NOT GETTING ANY MONEY FROM IT AIGHT, maybe i should have told her i didnt get paid and he only wants to give me $10 for 5+ hours of work... i told said it was cuz the weather was gonna be bad cuz i didnt wanna here her get all mad that i didnt get paid last time. i honestly think she thinks i am lying about working there and i was just out having a good time with my friends. um standing in front of the emergency exit so the little kids dont let thier friends in thought the fire door isnt my idea of a good time. so If he dont insure me AT LEAST $20 im not going, and things could get ugly... and I don't want it to go that route. Its a labor law thing... I wouldn't think the labor department would like it that they have workers they pay under the table, untaxed... yeah I know that makes me sound like SUCH a dick... I'm just wanting paid for my services ya know? I need the money, I'm not workin there to scoop out the girlies, trust me on that one! can you say jailbait?

thats all for now i guess. i got ITG videos posted on youtube. just search for "titan2781" and they will show up

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Song of the day
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Tubthumping
by Chumbawamba

We'll be singing
When we're winning
We'll be singing

I get knocked down
But I get up again
You're never gonna kick me down
I get knocked down
But I get up again
You're never going to keep me down

I get knocked down
But I get up again
You're never gonna kick me down
I get knocked down
But I get up again
You're never going to keep me down


Pissing the night away
Pissing the night away

He drinks a whisky drink
He drinks a vodka drink
He drinks a lager drink
He drinks a cider drink
He sings the songs that remind him
Of the good times
He sings the songs that remind him
Of the better times

"Oh Danny Boy
Danny Boy
Danny Boy..."
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ok so there is a lot to say and i dont have a lot of time to say it. i am still living with my grandparents. god knows that i wish i could be on my feet by now but between my car breaking, and the gas prices and car payments im not really doing so good in the save money department. if i didnt have to fix all the things i did, then i would easily have been out of here. i know that i am probably wearing out my welcome and i dont want that to be the case but its like this economy is just nasty. gas almost to $4 a gallon, bad selection of jobs... its just a mess. i feel like such a pest some times so i usually just stay in my room out of the way watching movies or playing a video game. i dont want to be in the way... and i DO feel in the way a lot of times anymore. i try to do things to help out but i feel like its just not good enough. anyways, i went to my sisters last night and actually had fun lol. i stayed the night and we went to my dad's church. i got home and my grandparents werent home so i got a huge clean bug for some reason. i vacuumed everything i could, did dishes, dusted... just trying to make myself useful and not just a pain for my g-parents.

i lost my job at utilimaster speaking of the crappy economy. they werent getting a lot of orders for trucks so of course the "temp" workers are the first to go. i got a job exactly a week after they let me go at Crown Audio. its not as much pay and its only a 3 week position, but it gets me by on bills til something more permanent comes availible... im hopeful that something DOES come around. i wish i could get a 1st shift at tennecco. i'd be SET!! temps make 12.60 there. i could easily get by on that. i guess in a twisted kind of way its good i didnt move out of my grandparents yet cuz if i had, and then this utilimaster lay off thing happened i couldnt pay my rent and i'd be in need of a place to live AGAIN.

so i guess thats it for now. i hope you all are doing well and i will be sure to give yall a more detailed update soon. for now im gonna find more things to clean before this clean bug dies lol

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Song of the day
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Who I Am Hates Who I've Been
by Relient K

I watched the proverbial sunrise
Coming up over the Pacific and
You might think I'm losing my mind
But I will shy away from the specifics

Cause I don't want you to know where I am
Cause then you'll see my heart
In the saddest state it's ever been
This is no place to try and live my life

Stop right there
That's exactly where I lost it
See that line
Well I never should've crossed it
Stop right there
Well I never should've said that
It's the very moment that I wish that I could take back

I'm sorry for the person I became
I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change
I'm ready to make sure I never become that way again
Cause who I am hates who I've been
Who I am hates who I've been

I talk to absolutely no one
Couldn't keep to myself enough
And the things bottled inside
Have finally begun to create so much pressure
That I'd soon blow up and

I heard the reverberating footsteps
Sinking up to the beating of my heart
And I was positive that unless I got myself together
I would watch me fall apart

And I can't let that happen again
Cause then you'll see my heart
In the saddest state it's ever been
This is no place to try and live my life

Stop right there
That's exactly where I lost it
See that line
I never should've crossed it
Stop right there
I never should've said that
It's the very moment that I wish that I could take back

Stop right there
Thats exactly where I lost it
See that line
Well I never should've crossed it
Stop right there
Well I never should've said that
It's the very moment that I wish that I could take back

I'm sorry for the person I became
I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change
I'm ready to make sure I never become that way again
Cause who I am hates who I've been
Who I am hates who I've been

Who I am hates who I've been
And who I am will take the second chance you gave me
Who I am hates who I've been
Cause who I've been only ever made me

I'm sorry for the person I became
So sorry that it took so long for me to change
I'm ready to make sure I never become that way again
Cause who I am hates who I've been
Who I am hates who I've been
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firstly i apologize if i jump around a lot from subject to subject there is A LOT to cover.

Me and Jessica broke up around the middle of October last year. things just fell apart. more or less she cheated on me... we just went our own ways i guess... I still care very much for her, but not in the same kind of way. if she would let me be close friends i would love that, but i honestly dont think i would want to be in a relationship with the jessica that she has become. its all for the best i guess cuz she is back with her ex from jersey.

I moved in with my sister from October to about december. she had told me when i moved in that i could catch up all my bills and etc before she would start making me pay rent there. i was cool with that idea i really needed to get back on my feet, and it wasnt gonna be an easy task cuz i was still coping with losing jessica. i mean me and jess had been together for almost 2 years, that is the longest relationship i had ever been in... needless to say i tried as hard as i could to pick myself up by my own boot straps as the saying goes, but the FIRST week i had a job she asked if i could get them any rent money that week. im like :WTF: its my first check i am like $800 behind on my car payments, i owe noble county hosiptal like $600, $230 for the ER doc, and $80 for the blood tests at the doctors office, on top of gas to get to work. then 2 weeks later they said fine dont pay rent but you have to pay for your own groceries. i was ok with that, i dont eat much at all and eric eats like a heard of half starved cattle that have been led to a fresh field of grass. the next week they insisted i pay them rent AND pay for my own groceries... and car payment... and gas... im like um ok so your gonna let me live here to let me get back on my feet but while im doing it your gonna throw marbles and water and soap and oil under my feet while im doing so. come on guys what is your problem. did i fail to mention that they have a drug habit. yeah the did marijuana like almost every night. so more or less they wanted me to pay them rent so they had more money for thier drug habits. i was so sick of it. on day i came home from work on a saturday (i work overtime as much as i can to try and pass the day, and to get a few extra dollars, yeah i have no personal life so what the heck why not eh?) and i had worked rather hard that day, so i decided to treat myself for working so hard, i went to wendy's and got stuff off the dollar menu. when i came home with it my sister FREAKED. im like it was $5 chill out. oh no no it was $5 i could have GIVEN to them it seemed. so we REALLY got into it. she had gotten a gym membership, they got drugs all the time, they were falling behind on thier heating bill, and it was MY FAULT. oh HELL no. i got so mad that i went to the room i had been sleeping in, which is also the room that had the closets they had been growing thier own marijuana plants, i ripped the pot plants out, snapped them in 2 and throw them on the living room floor and was like "thats what i think about you and your pothead bf's money problems." and i left.

I moved in with my grandma whom i currently am living with. i try to help them with anything and everything they ask me to. i feel like im standing on my last leg... im so glad they let me stay here cuz i dont know where i would have gone. im not moving in with my mom cuz it would be the same as steph and eric, fighting and etc. also, jimmy seems to like to corner me and try to intemidate me. i blow it off but its starting to get a little irritating that he thinks when my mom isnt around he can talk to me like that. like he is looking down on me or something. he is a good guy but sometimes he is just a flat out prick. anyways, i am hoping to get my tax refund and use it to find a place to move into, and if there is extra left over i might get my car worked on a little. the engine is slightly rough, it just needs a tune up i bet. new spark plugs and etc. i STILL havent fixed my sway bar yet, but i got my brakes fixed, and new tires. my grandma has been very nice and she says there is no rush for me to find a place, i can stick around as long as i need, which i do apreciate greatly, but i feel bad that i have been working so much overtime, and they know i have, yet i have nothing to show for it really, other than slowly catching up bills. i have NO idea how close to caught up i am on my car payments, i have tried to get the hospital bills too, one less monkey on my back kind of thing. i had my mail forwarded to me from jessicas and from stephs. i had them forward it to my moms cuz my grandma has done enough just letting me stay here, i dont want to clutter her mail box with my bills. besides it will give me a good excuse to go and see my mom

i have been working at a factory called utilimaster in wakarusa since the last week of october i think or the first week of november. i really like it out there. i am a driver. the winter has been kind of harsh cuz my "crew" drives the cabless chassis [link]

[link]

and with all the winter elements it makes it down right Hell sometimes... well hell isnt cold... but you get the point lmao. im a trooper though, i fight through it. i am sure in the summer it will be a KILLER job. get a NICE tan haha. also i got my chauffers licence wednesday so i feel more secure in my job i love the crew i work with. Ashley is 2 years my junior, yet she is the leader lol. she has been there like 7 months longer or something. then there is Anna, who is like 13hours younger than me. isnt that crazy? lol that makes me the oldest in our group. we all get along really well. it makes work not as work like when you like who you work with, ya know.

as to WHY i have hospital bills (im sure a few of you might have wondered) simply put, i had a fever and took to many ibuprofin... way too many. i wasnt feeling very good at all and i didnt really keep count, i was uber stressed and my brain wasnt where it should have been. i took enough to need to go to the hospital. when i got there i was dumbfounded by the LONG list of things the doc told me that was wrong with me. Urinary tract infection, upper respitory infection, pink eye in both eyes, my kindneys were shutting down from all the ibuprofin (he said at the time they were running at 50% and failing) which was putting my liver at high risk for failure due to being overloaded trying to pick up the slack for the kidneys... i was kind of paniced in my mind but i was calm about it like... ok so what do we do... he told me to get a family doctor for a follow up in a week, and see where it goes from there. if they got worse it would be dialisis, if they got better then no biggie... this was at the same time jess was cheating on me with Tyler so i was under some if the most tremindous stress i have even went through...

since we broke up me and jess have started talking again... slowly very slowly we are becoming friends... i tried to re-establish friendship with monica but she wants to be as she has always been... b ig w itch subtract a few letters out of there... lmao

OH my sidekick is no longer prepaid. its what they call a "flex-account" more or less its like a contract phone (i get day minutes and unlimited nights and weekends) but i have to prepay for it lol. so i pay then get service but its not like prepaid where minutes are like .30 a minute. so i can talk on the phone more. i would like to get a Sidekick LX as my SK3 is getting really beat up and old, but its not a priority by any means.


well i guess that is all for now. if yall want to add me to your friends on myspace feel free [link] you cant see my profile if your not my friend (that is to say on my friends list) so lol i am sure there is more to say but i cant think of much for now so adios yall

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Song of the day
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Keep It Comin'
by
Unkle Kracker


I'll keep it, I'll keep it, I'll keep it, I'll keep it...

I'll keep it comin' with the.. Oooh
I'll keep it comin' with the.. Oooh
I'll keep it comin' with the.. Oooh

Ain't it great to be alive
Ain't it great to breathe
Ain't it great to have hit songs hidden up my sleeves
I ain't silly and my songs ain't cute
I don't fly like a bird I just shine for loot... uh!

You can believe I ain't close to done
You talk hits, you've never been close to one
You ain't supposed to run, you can tell them I said that
Quick from the get, you know my hearts where my heads at

I'll keep it comin' with the.. Oooh
I'll keep it comin' with the.. Oooh
I'll keep it comin' with the.. Oooh

I'll keep it, I'll keep it, I'll keep it...

I'll keep it comin' with the.. Oooh
I'll keep it comin' with the.. Oooh
I'll keep it comin' with the.. Oooh

Spent the last six months sittin' out in the cold
You know I cried for help but I got put on hold
We dropped Doublewide and you thought it would fold
It wasn't lookin' good, but now your uncle went Gold
Sold five hundred thou like PLOW
Pushed one million everybody went HOW?
Now I'm TWO PLUS...sittin' TWO PLUSH
I dare your punk ass to ask me WHAT?
I sold the farm and bought it right back
I was sittin' in the red but now I'm back in the black... uh!
I'm in tact went from broke to plastic
All my hoopties turned into classics

I've outlasted singin' Yes Yes Y'all
Got em' all kinda hopin' I'll return their calls
And just when you thought that there was nothin' to see
You heard me comin' around the corner hummin'... Follow Me
And here I am, I'm live and direct
I'm makin' everybody wonder what I'm gonna do next
I don't flex because that's not my style
I'll be singin' what I'm bringin' baby all the while and I...

I'll keep it comin' with the.. Oooh
I'll keep it comin' with the.. Oooh
I'll keep it comin' with the.. Oooh

I'll keep it, I'll keep it, I'll keep it...

I'll keep it comin' with the.. Oooh
I'll keep it comin' with the.. Oooh
I'll keep it comin' with the.. Oooh
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First and foremost, it grieves me to announce that my Great Grandma Died at the rip Old Age of 97 years old...

HAZEL E. CLARK

March 6, 1910 -- July 7, 2007

She was THEE most and only 100% purely honest and kind-hearted person i have even known. I didn't get to see her a lot in the last few years and, like most ppl, i do regret it. I just hope she knew how much we all did love her, even if we didnt show it some times..


Moving on, I love it at the retirement home i work at but i have to move on to a new occupation it seems, our residents are dropping like flies... the less ppl we have living there, the less hours they have on the payroll, and being the "bottom man on the totem pole" my hours have been cut so severely that i cant afford my bills...AGAIN... however there is hope i feel very strongly that i will get hired at 1 of 2 factories: tenneco or Bushe. I was kinda hoping a factory called henderickson would have hired me but oh well. either way a full time factory job will be able to pay my bills up pronto. if bushe hires me it will be a direct hire instead of a hire through a hiring agency, meaning i wont have to go through a 90 "probationary" period where the agency gets 30% of my check or whatever. if i work at bushe it will be like 13.52/hr if i work at tenneco (once i get hired in) it will be close to 15/hour... if i woulda got in at henderickson it would have been like 15.78/hour :/ i cant wait to get all my shit straight again.

also it would be nice to have some extra cash so me and jess could go out on a date... like a DATE date not just going over to Stephs house to listen to them argue 90% of the time they are in the same 100 yards of each other like to a movie or out to eat like we used to when i worked at vibraccoustic. speaking of jess, i have felt very close to her recently. I dont know if she knows it or not but the little things she does makes the world 10x better... i love her so much. oh btw we just celebrated our 18month on the "luckiest day of the century"... 1 1/2 years Gosh i love her

well i guess thats it for now... so til next time:

ADIOS PPL

p.s. i now have prints available, so check them out. if you want me to make a size adjustment please just let me know